The Grey Chronicles

2008.July.7

100 Reasons Why Expats Earn More than Locals

Filed under: 'Global' Chronicles,Management — reyadel @ 13:20
Tags: , , ,

  1. Expats need to import necessities from their home country. Local goods are not up to their standards, case in point: Pyodontyl Plus versus Beam toothpaste.
  2. Expats are billeted in a free-accommodation hotel or apartment; locals usually own their houses or rent in a low-rent apartments. Expats need to pay for other amenities such as the use of massage parlor, swimming pool, tennis court, gym, or game rooms. Locals have access to a “hilot” [a Pinoy chiropractor], public beach, shopping mall, exercise backyard, or play chess or “dama” [a Philippine board game] in public parks.
  3. Expats need to buy books from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble not from National Bookstore; magazines and newspapers from Zinio or Qmags not from your local newsboy; digital audio from CDNow.com or MP3.com not from MusicOne or Tower Records; or porn from Playboy or Penthouse not from Tik-Tik magazine or snippets of Xaviera in Abante.
  4. Expats need to buy more expensive soap and Avian water to take a bath. [Locals smell like locals, anyway.]
  5. Expats need Broadband internet connection for their laptops; locals patiently waits for dial-up connection, if their local phone line have already been connected after years of waiting.
  6. Expats need a Pentium computer with Vista OS to chat, surf the web, make international call, video conferencing while Locals are satisfied with their green-monitor XT PC with no internet connection, chat while on coffee break, send SMS and never use the call button of their mobile phones, and attend boring corporate conferences.
  7. Expats use size-A4 and not Letter or Legal size paper; a fountain or sign pen; not a ballpoint pen.
  8. Expats need to color-print a web page while Locals are mesmerized by the click-clacking of a dot-matrix printer.
  9. Expats are tailored by Saville Row or buy from Marks & Spencer, while locals are happy with imitation Levi’s 501 jeans or Surplus Shop merchandise.
  10. Expats were hired by the foreign owners; locals were hired by expats! Or expats were hired by the “bosses” thus your boss is an expat!
  11. Expats need to buy Racks of Lambs from New Zealand, caviar from Russia, Champagne from France, cigars from Cuba; while Locals buy “tuyo” [dried fish] from Aling Nena’s Sari-sari, Bagoong [fish paste] from Pampanga, San Miguel Beer from SMC, Sampaguita from Fortune Tobacco.
  12. Expats need to send their children to International or an exclusive school. Locals can avail of the government-mandated “free” education from primary to secondary schools, but never mind sending your children to a good college.
  13. Expats need to relax in a spa, pass time in a 5-star bar, sleep in a 5-star hotel, play golf in a country-side members-only club; Local relax at home watching “Wowowee” [a local noon-time TV variety show], pass time watching the bundy clock, sleep in a one-inch thick mattress, and play “gulp” during holidays!
  14. Expats are accomodated on airconditioned hospital rooms, tended by professional surgeons and a throng of nurses, and afforded a bevy of laboratory tests. Locals rely on their own room, tended by the local “albularyo” [faith-healer] Mang Kepweng and his wife-“hilot”. and can only afford Generic medicines.

More to come. This list started 26 September 2007.


Notes:

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